The Drifter

How do I live my life? 

EFFORTLESS . .

Well not completely without effort, but the effort that i'm exerting is TOO EASY for me to do. Picture yourself in a situation wherein you love what you are doing, you let the wrong things pass you by and hindrances does not work when you are too busy brisk walking against them. that's my life. I do not know if an effort is necessary when what you are doing is becoming a leisure to you. If life doesn't give you what you want don't force yourself too much to that thing and just move on. I mean, it's simple. right?

But I am a walking contradiction. . . .

When I see that I am not exerting effort, I PANIC and say what if I this comes back to me three-fold when I feel I am not doing anything. What if nothing comes to me? What if I let too many wrong things pass me by and they will eventually haunt me forever?

I am funny right? I try to make everything have sense when I make no sense. I am just paranoid about being too happy or being too sad. Same old paranoia, I am afraid. Everyday, I try not to panic but at the end of the day I always do. I panic at tap tap revenge when I am on the zone, I panic when i'm answering an exam, I panic when i'm in the water, I panic when i'm commuting and I panic when I do the same thing everyday. 

Just call me Panic.

oohhh Eraser of life! please erase Panic off me..

xoxo, camcam 

Nonsense

Why is it that we become so easily comfortable with what is not right or what is not good in our life? The "what is not good" part in our life i'm talking about here are the things that we know we will regret doing in the end. It's just weird that we know or we predict that what we have been comfortably doing will lead to awful endings and yet we continue to set everything aside, and do whatever pleases us. Plus, we get attached to what will waste the time we have here on Planet Earth. It does not make sense!! Well, what's new right? Everything does not make sense. Only love does. (how did Cheesy get in here??)

And this is the annoying part. The things that everybody views as "what makes sense" is a challenge to live with. People hand you that list of what's right or what you think is right and then you find out that what you have been comfortably doing is not on the list is just merely, frustrating. Remember the action of cartoons when they slide their hand from top to the bottom of their faces very slowly looking very disappointed? Well, this is the perfect time to do that gesture. 

I'm just sick of not making sense because of my definition of comfortable.

You see that? I am sick and yet I still do it. FRUSTRATING!

 

It's just that being uncomfortable is REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE..

 

how?,

Chameleon

 

 

 

 

 

Immaturity and what people expect you to be

You may view me as a lost girl who goes through life walking like a crab but everybody, just so we're clear I am 20 yrs. old. 

So recently my sister have been comparing me to this 20 yr. old friend of hers who she calls "mature".  She is always making fun of how I am not my age compared to her friend.(I don't mind though because that's a compliment to me XD) So I rode in her choo choo train and  started saying "Oh, the matured one???" whenever she is telling me stories about her "matured" friend.haha

What is mature? googling.... 

Maturity fully-developed in body and mind.

I admit I am not fully-developed. A juvenile being still developing but stays in the development stage because I believe being fully-developed only exist physically but not mentally. I still have a lot to learn but don't everybody? People may act mature and all with their sophisticated suits and high heels plus their stiff postures but to me they are just people wearing UNCOMFORTABLE formal clothes because that's the requirement wardrobe of mature people. My clothes may not be mature and I may act immature but I am retaining the right amount of mature. I call it "filtering society's definition of maturity". 

If society's definition of maturity includes speaking with a low tone, wearing a suit and acting normal might as well let them make robots and then commit genocide. I trampled on that definition, cooked it, and fed it to my dogs, gathered my dogs crap and buried it underground and I let it act as my fertilizer at least in that way it is very much useful. Manipulating me into something I am not ei society?? Well, that will never happen! bwahaha! ha 

Some say being matured means knowing what to do next, having a plan, being independent and being responsible for whatever path you choose. Now that part of maturity, I would gladly hug and accept. I have seen adults that may look matured on the outside but immature on the inside. Immature in such a way that they are short-tempered, starts getting jealous, and the most immature of all... act matured. 

And ofcourse there are parts of immaturity that I like but there are parts that just disappoints me take this part of immaturity for example. 

Yesterday during my enrollment , the two girls beside me was talking about material stuff and gossip. The other girl was saying "I have perfumes that are shifted from the U.S. it's 1000 pesos" then her friend replied "give me one too" then she said "I am sorry but my Mom is using it also" and then gossip then material stuff again then gossip then material stuff. That is my definition of immaturity. When all you live for is sniffing perfumes and gossiping about the lives of other people. They still have yet to learn. I would like to shake them and open their eyes for there are so many important and much interesting things to talk about. It is like they are wasting the creative part of their brain and eventually it may not exist anymore for what you dont use eventually fades away. Like the legs and feet of whales for example. A long time ago they live on land and water but since most of the time they spend all their lives in water their legs and feet eventually  do not develop anymore because they do not use it, they evolved into a fish-like mammal. You see what I mean??? Soooo many interesting facts to talk about!!!hahaha 

The immature part that I retained is being silly, goofy, being implusive and wearing comfortable clothes (I dont get why this is immature?). Silliness is fun. It makes you endless. It triggers the creative part of you. If everything is serious in your life it's depressing. Being impulsive is an adventure. Being goofy is entertaining and wearing comfortable clothes is comfortable. 

Now this question arises.. Can creativity and maturity coexist? 

At this point I am curious if people actually wasted time writing about "How to be mature" googling... 

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Mature-Teenager

This is very important. Record yourself and a friend having a conversation for 10 minutes or so and then play it back to yourself. Do you hear that?

• How many times did you squeal?
• How many times did you use the word "like".
• Try talking slower and in a somewhat deeper voice. Try avoiding using words that you use in conversation with your friends. See if you can find words that mean the same but sound more mature.
• Try to keep your breathing slow and steady. Don't get too excited while talking, stay focused.

WHAT?!

like XOXO Chameleon

P.S. googling "how to be mature" is immature . . reading "how to be mature" is provoking immature people to stay immature. . why? Depending on google to solve your problems is immature... and if you read and follow how to be matured and ACT matured.. you are still immature.. 

Pure people, Me people

This morning, I decided to read the newspaper and find something interesting to wake myself up. I then found this. 

I always thought of Igorots as uncivilized tribes that I felt sorry for. The world around them had already moved on from making bahay kubos and build skyscrapers instead. They on the other hand, stay as they are and continue to use simple things like twigs and plants, which what they believe are the only necessary things that are used to survive. Their clothes are long strips of hand-woven loin cloth called “Wanes” for boys and “Lufid” for girls. I am lucky to be here right now and own conventional clothes because their clothes, let's just say, would gather too much attention. Imagining them doing their daily routine makes me want to show this laptop and describe what it is used for. 

  

But wait, where do the things that I have right now come from? And where do the Igorots get the idea to live like this? Sadly, the things that I am using right now are from another country. My phone is from, I don’t know China maybe? And this laptop well, I’m pretty sure it is not made in the Philippines.  My clothes are American-inspired and the language that I am using right now is also American-inspired. Well, might as well call me a mix-breed influenced by different countries. I am a mongrel in the dog world.

A little information about Igorots: (copied from: amerigorot.blogspot.com)

1. Language: Igorots speak their own languages (Bontoc, Ibaloy, Kanakanaey, Kalinga etc.)
2. Culture & Colonization: Igorots were not conquered by Spain. The Igorot’s ability to keep from being colonized by Spaniards for more tham 300 years allowed their culture to stay preserved to this day.    
3. Government: Igorots of the Cordilleras have their own autonomous government
4. Food: Igorot food is considered indigenous with little influence from other countries
5.          Clothing: Traditional clothing for men & women are clearly distinct and bears no Spanish influence

Igorots are pure tribes. They refused to conform, when Spanish colonization took place. They stood still while everything is developing into a world that has been taken over by technology. I think if I give my clothes to them they will make it a burning medium for cooking. They don’t care about what the latest trend is, or the new Iphone that recently came out (which I wouldn't mind buying if I have money, it has Siri voice input!eep). Looking at their culture, makes me feel like a girl who has no true identity. They are the original Filipinos. How… do…. They…. Do…. That? I think from their view, they feel sorry for us.

Needless to say, I admire them. If they are the true Filipino then what am I?
hmmm.... Now I don’t mind wearing “Lufid” when I go out.



Chameleon

Most of the time all you need is... humor

So I am currently struggling and I couldn't find the right words to type what has been going around my head lately. The words that have been going around are humor, laugh, night, Jason Mraz, smile, trip, and funny. I have been going around the house finding a good spot to blog, and then I end up here, and "here" is still not a good spot because the peep outside is complaining about her life. Owkay she stopped... 

If you didn't know I've been on a TRIP these past few days. We flew to Legazpi City the home of the beautiful Mayon Volcano. I was a little nervous in the plane because of my awareness that I am 20,000 ft. above the ground. My mind is ancient and it is not used to airplanes. 

ANYWAYS!haha

I just want to share what I have observed while overhearing mom and dad talking last night. Yeah yeah, my parents were my roommates in Donsol. I just couldn't sleep without them. Get over it!haha  Anyways that observation was just bring your HUMOR and you're all set!

 JASON MRAZ once shared how some people tends to judge his music based on the melody, the tone of his voice or how well he performs but once he starts making people LAUGH, everyone forgets how they should judge his music, but people starts to just go with the flow of the melody and just enjoy it. While watching him explain that at first, I didn't get it. I mean I wasn't crazy about the idea but I just took it as words. And then last night happened, I was eavesdropping while mom and dad was having a conversation at 2am! I couldn't sleep because Mom was laughing. Dad was sharing how Hannah wasn't happy about something. Then Mom was all "it's all your fault!" then Dad said "Yeah it was my fault, while you are here in the room already sleeping I was talking and comforting Hannah" Then Mom simply laughed. I was laughing on the inside too but I didn't show them because that would ruin their moment. 

That is when I understood Jason Mraz. I think it is innate how we just look for a hole about something when we shouldn't. But laughter, best shifts the way to that hole and lead us towards where we should go. I can't help but SMILE while acting asleep. But I've decided to open my eyes and show them that I was awake after that. I saw a cockroach on the ceiling and showed them both. Dad attempted to kill it with his slipper. I was under the sheets the whole time. Just as i've thought that it was safe to open my blanket, the cockroach initiated its flying powers and I screamed at 2:30am. Everything was FUNNY! 

Making jokes calms people. It is calming in such a way that, it makes you not worry about problems or simply make you not care and kills whatever unhealthy thing  you are thinking. I think the best way to not think about something too hard is to make yourself laugh. I am at my best when I am around funny people. I take life less serious and enjoy the present. If you spend too much time judging life, you are dead.

I always notice during serious talks where people talk about frustrations, achievements, reasons, and stuff on the dark side you end up thinking too much which is really depressing or you end up comparing yourself to other people. An example is a guy sharing how he is a president of their society and he is awarded best leader or something you end up comparing yourself to him. Making yourself inferior and not talk. You will then think, why did I not become president like him? or why is it that I haven't achieved something great in my life?. Which is just sad. Talks like that are not fun at all. It makes you bring out the feeling wherein you know it exist but you just want to get rid of it. And because of people sharing too much about how they hate life or bragging about how life for them is too good it triggers a disliked emotion which will ruin the time you have here.

All i'm saying is just make more room for laughter and less room for unnecessary emotions. You will be surprised how simple life is.

xoxo,

Chameleon

 

Summer Ideas

My to do list keeps on piling-up. The list i've done is kind of rotting for no new things have been accomplished. You see I have lots of ideas that I could do for my life this summer to be colorful. My options: Be a travel writer, Blog writer, zookeeper, article writer and magician.hahaha Needless to say (Funny phrase:"Needless to say" if you don't have to say it.. why still say it?) the last one was a joke. On second thought why not right?hihihi

I've been listing options for I want to experience being part of something. And yes, experience this "job world".

Summer vacation always lits up this side of me wherein I have to do something new. I remember my last summer vacation wherein I started drawing. I was bringing out the artist skill in me which is surprisingly nonexistent.haha Then I started composing songs, which is not bad in my opinion but really bad for others. And that is when my blog writing was born. Warmed up to blog writing and then here I am, being comfortable. Ahh yes summer vacations, good times. But it was hell staying at home, literally hell because of the HEAT!

So, I have to find a job! To save me from this fiery torture chamber. I will now pick-up my degree show it to people who wants to see it and knock their socks off.
Yeah yeah I know, Words are dead.

-Chameleon

Read and do the rest

they are all depending on you

I tried to stop my tears but I just couldn’t. The reaction of those animals just breaks my heart and I am ashamed that the one who is destroying their homes is the same species as I am. I am talking about what happened in the movie, Lorax. 


I can’t help but think that the movie is exactly depicting what is happening in our world today.  Bringing down trees making animals find a new home, just breaks my heart.  But then I realize, who am I to be ashamed when I am living in a product of what those loggers just chopped down. Being ignorant of the things around me and not caring of its origin. I am looking at our floor right now which is made of wood and thought about the birds nesting on what used to be my floor. This makes me sad.

We humans, have a rational mind that can think of alternatives instead of using trees but the animals doesn’t which make them depend on trees alone for their habitats. You don’t see animals building skyscrapers in the middle of the forest. Animals are already certain on what to do on their daily lives and trees are a BIG part of it. If we take trees off the picture it ruins the balance of nature, ruins the animal’s plan for survival.   

We are not the only creatures living in this planet. The trees are not entirely ours. If you come across this blog entry, Do something.  

My suggestion for your to-do list to save our trees:
1. Plant a tree
2. Recycle Papers
3. Stop wasting papers
4. Spread the word
5. Help stop illegal logging
6. Buy recycled paper products
7. PLANT MORE
8.PLANT
9. PLANT 
10. PLANT till you cant plant no more :)
11. Join Environmental foundations that help maintain the biodiversity of this country 

-Chameleon

studying

Picked up my studying material. Began to read. I stopped and told myself "why the hell am I doing this?" And then I end up here.

I don't like to study, I never liked to study. It's boring,corny and unproductive(for me). I feel that I am being more productive when i'm sleeping. I have all these negatives towards studying and yet I still do it. What is wrong with me you may ask?

Doing something I don't like measures how much I love someone or something. In this case, studying let's me prove to my parents that I appreciate them for giving me a chance to fulfill my dream. To make them see that I am not taking every dime they pay for granted. They deserve my hard work in return. No matter how tired or how fed up or how sick I am of studying, I look at them and every complain I have towards studying instantly vanishes. I just love it how they smile when they see me in front of my anatomy book trying to look the part of a genius girl.hahaha kidding!

this blog is just a reminder for myself that whatever complaints I have towards studying I answer to the people around me. 

sleeeeeeeeepy,
camcam

Milkshake

Reality checking..... 

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So I have a new rabbit, named her milkshake. Milkshake because of the white fur around her mouth that looked like milk stains. SOOO CUTE I could hug her to death. I saved her from the "obtain rabbit blood" experiment. Actually the prof. suggested to excuse her to be a specimen because she is still a baby so I followed her advice and took her home. So instantly I have a new pet.

This blog is starting to sound like my diary. Oh well!haha So anyways, I could not stop baby talking to that rabbit that I scare myself and wonder if I should get diagnosed by a psychiatrist. She is just too cute that I am hypnotized by her cuteness. Wow, I cant stop saying cute! That is how cute she is!haha When I took her home, peeps were surprised and asked if I was planning to fill our house with lots of animals? Now that is a good idea. ;) So that is my rabbit story. This blog is random. THE RABBIT MADE ME DO IT!.

too da loo,

camcam :)

focusing my lens

I always notice the choir conductor in our church. How he looks so funny when he was conducting his choir where his eyes were wide open that looked like it was gonna pop out, his arms was everywhere waving it exaggeratedly while he was conducting and don't forget his mouth which I didn't think a typical human person can open a mouth that wide. But beneath all those craziness I see, it looked like he didn't mind whatever is going on outside the circle of his choir. He is just focused on making his choir sound perfect. Which makes me not laugh anymore but rather feel sorry for myself. FOCUS! I need to learn that. Focusing on one thing before doing what distracts you.


I am a woman of not leaving a speck unnoticed making me incapable of focusing. It's hard, living like this. I make excuses all the time when I don't finish something. My sister always tell me that whatever I start it ends there and finishing is a struggle for me. Well, she's right. I always get distracted by almost anything. I do my homework if there's a nail polish in front of me I use it, a paper I fold it and make a boat, or if there is nothing in front of me I let my long hair distract me and braid it. I am good at entertaining distractions which unfortunately does not count as a healthy talent. 


I need a course on FOCUS 101. FAST! argh...


help?,
camcam

two zero one two. twenty twelve. two thousand twelve.

Happy new year new blog!! How are you? ive been well thank you very much. I am sick today hooorah!! I got the sniffles, I can't open my eyes normally and I am loving tissues. Whenever I am back from Pansol I always get the sniffles. Ergo, I am literally allergic to Pansol. Too bad, I love Pansol. No new year's resolution yet.
so bye!haha

:) :( XD :) :( -_- XD

HELLO BLOG! I MISSED YOU!


Someone approached me the day before yesterday and asked "why are you so quiet today?" I looked at her and said "because I was happy yesterday"


I am happy today and yesterday but not the day before that. I am making my emotions alternate. It is my will that is responsible for that, I think. Anyways, I want it to be like that. It's just that I think if I alternate my emotions my life is balanced that way. I don't wanna be happy everyday, I want to experience other emotions too.haha So today, I'm happy maybe tomorrow I will be so so. I think I am obesessed with balance, IT'S CRAZY! I just don't want to leave behind something even the tiniest  thing. I am mastering the art of being happy when you are sad.haha! That may sound crazy, but I think it is possible. hmmm I think the word happy though doesnt fit in that sentence let's try satisfaction. The art of being satisfied when you are sad. 


Let me give you a walk through on what I do (please comment if what i'm doing is dangerous...XD)


So what I do is during my happy days, I entertain people and let them entertain me. I talk to them and smile all the time and do every action an optimistic person does. I give sincere compliments, listen to people's stories and greet every person I know, giving them a simple HI! 
During gloomy days (which is usually the day after that) I am passive. You will not hear a single chuckle from me. The eyelids of my eyes are in a straight line looking like this emoticon -> -___-The day where I think too much. But I know at the back of my mind while doing this mood I am doing a great job living. XD


Being happy everyday is not right for me. It feels that i'm using up all my happy coupons in life that there would be no more left in the end plus I don't wanna waste the sad coupons either.haha! If one side is too heavy I couldn't bear to let it be that way. So the trying to trigger all the emotions I can was born.


So my friends, that is how I live but there are exceptions. These are the days where I randomly select my emotion.... owkay, maybe not "I" (life chooses it for me). hahaha



xoxo,
camcam